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Monday, August 28, 2006

Shame on you, Shamyalan 


Me parece que no he escrito acerca de películas en mi blog antes, pero la experiencia que tuve en el cine ayer fue tan fuerte, tan por encima de cualquier cosa que haya tenido que experimentar antes, que me siento obligado a escribir acerca de ella. Fuimos a ver "La joven del agua" (título en España) de M. Night Shamyalan, y tiene que ser la peor película que he visto en años recientes. No recuerdo la última vez que fui al cine y sentía que quería mi dinero de vuelta al final. Podría intentar escribir una crítica, pero no lo haré, sólo advertiré a todos que se mantengan alejados de ella y si has disfrutado en cualquier medida alguna de sus películas anteriores (como yo), no vayas a ver ésta creyendo que *algo* bueno tiene que tener. Si en realidad estás intrigado, sólo espera a que te obliguen a verla en un avión, un tren, un autobús o un hotel donde no tengas que pagar por ella y realmente no tengas otra opción.
 
  I don't think I've ever written about movies in my blog before, but the experience I had in a theater last night was so strong, so above anything I've been put through in the past, that I'm compelled to write about it. We went to see M. Night Shamyalan's "Lady in the Water", and it has to be the worst movie I've seen in recent years. I don't remember when the last time I went to a movie and felt like I wanted my money back at the end was. I could attempt to write a critique, but I won't, I'll just warn everyone to stay away from it and if you've procured any enjoyment from any of his previous movies (as I have), don't go to see this one hoping *something* has to be good about it. If you're *really* intrigued, just wait until you get it force-fed on a plane, train, bus or hotel room where you don't have to pay for it and really don't have any other option.
 
Esta mañana entré a ver qué decían otras personas acerca de la peli en imdb.com, he copiado algunos de los títulos de sus reseñas en lado anglo del blog, no voy a traducirlos porque algunos no son fáciles de traducir o pierden algo de su gracia (como el título de este mismísimo artículo), pero se darán la idea que no soy el único que la ha pasado mal en la sala, más que nada por el enojo proveniente de estarse preguntando, "¿¿Cómo ese que este tío, con su talento y experiencia, este presupuesto y estos actores, pudo haber hecho este bodrio (y encima asignarse a él mismo el papel del sacrificado salvador de la humanidad)??"
 
  I think the following titles of user reviews on IMDB.com are eloquent enough:

I want to punch Shamyalan in the face!

Dear Mr. M. Knight, stick to the Amex commercials...

Pedantic, contrived exercise in tedium and boredom

Are you kidding me????????

horrible

Bring a pillow; and have someone smother you with it.

What garbage....

Genuinely Terrible

This was a wretched pile of wasted pixels. I'd rather see battlefield earth again, in Swedish.

The audacity of the man

Awful, just awful

Absolute waste of time...

M. Night Dead in the Water...progressively worse and worse

A turkey

Only someone suffering from a fully-fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder could have made this movie

Don't go near the "Water"

Wha?

A self-indulgent, horrible, and unoriginal mess

Grossly inadequate on so many levels

I knew I shouldn't have seen it...

Nitey-nite, Night

Water Torture

Whats that noise, thats M. Night scraping the bottom of the barrel!

A Sobering Experience

That was the worst movie i've ever seen

In a word - BAD

If you thought that Unbreakable was bad..... man, you need to see this

Lady in the Water made me throw up in my mouth a little

I voted 1 cause I can't vote ZERO

What was he thinking?

Forget the lady in the water...Save M.Night! His films are drowning!!

Hollow misguided vanity project disguised as a paean to childlike innocence ("This film actively made me angry")

Should Have Seen The Signs

Save Your $8 Bucks for a Starbucks Frappaccino and a Bagel!

When Do You Know Your 15 Minutes Are Up?

Shyamalan Challenges His Loudest Critics & Doesn't Win (You'd have to have seen the movie to get this one...)

And a quote from Roger Ebert's review:
"But any con man or storyteller must, at the very least, convey to us the sense that he buys his own con, and Shyamalan is too afraid to commit. The low star rating isn't just for pretension or ineptitude, its for hypocrisy and cowardice, too."
 

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